4. Practical Help and Treatment
Active Listening
If you're talking to someone who is either stressed or traumatised who has come to you for support, it is imperative that you listen actively to what they're saying.
This may sound obvious, and as journalists, we might think that we need no guidance on how to listen to people. It is, after all, what we do almost every day of our working lives. Interviewing, negotiating, debating; all require the capacity to listen to others.
Having said that, it can be a shock to discover how much of our listening is, in fact, nothing of the sort. How often do we ask someone a question, pen in hand, already formulating the answer that we want them to give? How often do we listen to someone's answers, only to compare them mentally with our own experiences, or spend the time figuring out what our next question or statement will be? And how often do we look like we're listening, when in fact we're thinking about something entirely trivial and unconnected?
It is easy to be distracted from the real meaning and content of what someone is saying, whether they're an interviewee, a colleague, or even a family member.
What is Active Listening?
Active Listening is a structured form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker and improves mutual understanding without interference, debate or judgement.
What's it for?
It is a powerful method of responding to stressful and traumatic situations and events, allowing the speaker to:
- Share problems and struggles
- Engage with difficult feelings
- Gain perspective on experiences
- Take ownership of the situation
- Re-build relationships
- Find their own solutions
- Build self-esteem and resilience
Trauma Tip: This is not therapy!
The primary function of active listening is one of containing the experiences of the speaker, who may be feeling unsafe and ashamed of their reactions. It is only when difficult feelings have been contained that they can be accepted and then processed. This is NOT THE SAME as a psychological debriefing, which has been shown in some cases to actually aggravate the trauma by reviving unbearable memories. You are not a therapist, so it is not your role to dig around in someone's feelings or try and re-play traumatic experiences. You are there to provide a stable, attentive presence.
How do you do it?
Good listening requires your active participation in the process. It is no good just sitting there and staring at the speaker, you are there to help them.
Here's what to do:
This is not about you or your experiences. You may have felt similar feelings in the past, but now is not the time to share them, it distracts from what the speaker is trying to express. Never start a sentence with: "If I were you"
You do not have to agree with the speaker's responses, or even approve of them, but it is crucial that you acknowledge their validity. People who have suffered from trauma often say that the most useful help they received was being told that their responses were completely normal. Accepting whatever comes up in the discussion will relieve the speaker of much of their fear and shame.
It is particularly useful to state your own understanding of what the speaker is saying back to them. This allows them to correct you if you have got it wrong and helps them clarify what they are trying to say. It also makes them feel heard.
Questions beginning with How, When, Where, What, Who, Which will illicit more information from the speaker and a much more fluid and dynamic exchange. (When dealing with stress and trauma, Why? is best avoided. It is often an unanswerable question.)
It can be uncomfortable to sit in silence, particularly with someone who is upset. But often your presence is far more important than anything you might want to say. Silence also gives the speaker time and space to get to what they really want to say.
Facial expressions and other non-verbal forms of communication such as smiles, non-threatening gestures, eye contact and an open posture can go a long way to putting someone at their ease. (As a general rule, it is best to avoid touching someone unless you already know them extremely well.)
It is, of course, of paramount importance, that the contents of your discussion remain confidential. No one will discuss anything of importance if they are worried that you will go off and tell others about it.
If you feel that someone is suffering in a way that requires further attention, know when to suggest other sources of help (see Treatment Options)
Trauma Tip - Blocks to Listening
A crucial step to becoming a good listener is to become aware of the ways in which you get distracted from giving your complete attention. The following is a list of blocks to good listening (incidentally, this is also useful to bear in mind in journalistic interviewing):
Blocks to good listening:
It is almost impossible to listen if you are assessing yourself and your own experiences against what you are hearing.
Trying to work out what someone is "really" thinking or feeling, as opposed to what they are honestly telling you.
Preparing your next comment or question before someone has finished speaking.
Listening to some things and not to others, perhaps blocking out elements of their experience that you find uncomfortable.
Writing someone off or casting aspersions on what they're saying.
Drifting off into private associations. You are more prone to dreaming if you're feeling bored or anxious.
Referring everything someone says back to your own experiences. This is very discouraging for the speaker.
Jumping in with a quick-fix or poorly considered solutions before hearing the whole story.
Arguing or debating. Stressed and traumatised people are often very angry, it is important not to get combative in response.
Timing
If a colleague has experienced a single traumatic event, it is a good idea to wait two or three days before sitting down for a chat. This does not, of course, mean that you leave them alone for that time. (Practical support such as making sure they've got food in the house is the most useful support initially.)
But if they have been involved in something truly disturbing, they may well be experiencing some kind of shock in the immediate aftermath. You'll be lot more helpful to them if you give them time to process the event before giving them the opportunity to speak about it.
As we saw in the PTSD section, stress and trauma symptoms mostly dissipate of their own accord. If they haven't done so after four weeks, professional help is advised. So if you've spoken to a colleague or a member of staff shortly after a traumatic event, arrange to meet again after a month in order to reassess what's going on and what might be needed.
In the context of stressful environments, where no particular event is being responded to, it becomes a matter of attention, both to yourself and to your colleagues. If you feel you're not doing well, it is up to you to reach out to someone whom you trust if you want to talk. It is also up to you to be prepared to listen if you are approached by someone else, or to ask someone if they'd like to talk if you notice that they're beginning to struggle.
Setting
Sitting down to listen attentively to someone talk about their struggles is very different from a run-of-the-mill conversation. While it is important to remain available to any of your colleagues at any time, it is advisable to organise a place to meet and talk away from the pressures and distractions of the office.
Meeting in the comfort of someone's home or in a congenial cafe can take a lot of the fear out of sharing troublesome experiences. The speaker may not want anyone else to know that you are having this conversation, especially work colleagues. It doesn't really matter where you talk. It is only important that the speaker feels safe and comfortable.
Further Content
Humanitarian news and insight.
Tailored psychological support for organisations.